Jumped off a cliff

So I was thinking about this post the entire way back from handing in my World of Language paper. And I just realized that I feel worthless. Not the world is against me cut my wrists worthless....more like that guy in Sandman, I make no difference worthless. Cause seriously, the more I think about it, the more I'm sure I just burden the world. Think about some farmer in India growing his crops on some tiny piece of land for his family. He sure as hell ain't worth negative. His sons who help him in the field? Not worth negative either. What the fuck am I worth? -College tuition -SAT classes -rent food and clothing and shelter and insurance and dental. I am worth a gigantic negative to my parents and the rest of the world. I have never had a job, never MADE a substantial amount of money on my own. Like what do I have to show for it? One semester on the dean's list cause of easy classes and like a 2.3 GPA or something laughable like that? I'm not like say...John aka noob who manages to do jack and laugh at life and get 4 B's and and A. Would I kill for his grades? Nah, but would I pay one month's rent for them? Maybe, fucking maybe. Just to tell myself I'm not worth negative. Now he's graduated, what's he going to do? Probably get a job somewhere and play fucking games and enjoy life. Why is it so hard for me to concentrate on shit I dislike? It's like that kid in Naruto who's laid back, does shit, but gets by because he's fucking smart and does what comes natural to him. It'd be like if I made a million dollars every time I took the SAT or fucking killed someone in Halo. That'd be a godamn nice life, just taking SATs and playing games as a job. And why not? I felt a certain perverse joy owning those tests, I have to admit I was godamn enthusiastic about crushing their easiness. I can't feel that way with college work. The best I can do is have an experience like Japanese, where it's high school except HARD all over again with my surrogate asian mother making me feel so fucking ashamed at my shitty level of work and me studying like crazy for the first time in my life for a C+. And now the nicest TA in the world is going to get my Late world of language paper, actually read it, and realize what a piece of shit it is. And I'm going to feel like a negative again.

Enough emo for the rest of the year, time to fucking not let my programming partner down and TRY to kill the take home language final so I can save some face.

There has been no voter fraud

It's funny how people can get so worked up over something silly...like an internet poll.
Gamefaqs currently has a contest running which plays like March Madness. You pick your bracket, choose a winner, win a prize (a good one too!). Except the competitors are games, and the way to determine who wins are voter polls.

Yesterday was Starcraft vs Halo. Already the shit-talking and stupidity notorious of Gamefaqs's forums has reared its ugly head. With both sides, but mainly Halo users claiming voter fraud, Cjayc, the man himself (owner) had to come down from his lofty perch in heaven or what not and sooth the masses.

Anyway a last ditch campaign by the entirety of the english bnet to spam the asia bnet, and thus Koreans, resulted Starcraft winning by like 300 votes out of 110k cast. Talk about razor slim.

Welcome back Mister Anderson...we missed you

The weirdest shit plays through my head during finals/tests.
Like my last networking midterm?
All I remember was that some fucked up shit was playing through my head...I think it was...Midori no Hibi...or something, on a loop, distracting the hell out of me.

Today? Today I was the most focused I have ever been in that stupid class, I think I did ok.

In other news, philo paper back, B.
Not enough to save the rest of the semester from dismal C, but not bad enough to fail the whole thing.
Hume's my thing I guess, fuck the metaphysicists.

And now? Now I have one of the shorts from the ridiculous Newgrounds wide "The Matrix has you" compilation, in particular, that one picture with 5 smiths, one playing with yoyos, one playing street drums, another doing a russian dance, and I forget the other two.

True update, i.e. the crap you don't care about

So anyway I have an endterm this morning, I have a paper on the grammar and sentence structure of Slovak due what thursday, and I have a program on Bayesian robot escape due this upcoming monday.

Need I say more?

Right, my philosophy paper on Hume...my god I hope I did well, or I have failed the bloody class. Speaking of Hume, I had a pretty intense conversation with Lah on philosophical matters...it wasn't long, like our normal conversations in real life, but it felt nice to do some intellectual exercise after so long. Yes differential equations is not fucking intellectual exercise, neither is college itself.

Oh yeah my mom just got the word that a student was killed and freaked out, called me at some really late time and told me that I should come home for the summer if I'm not doing anything....which is highly possible...but hell if I want to go home that badly...

Even more laggy entries.

Spring fair happened this weekend. Let me first start off by saying CRAB CAKES ARE OVERPRICED CRAP. Not specifically crap, but not worth your money. Ok so crap as a word works. Along the same vein, BUTTERFLY POTATOES DO NOT COUNT AS A MEAL. AND POORLY MADE GYROS DONT EITHER. I think the only really fulfilling food I had there was the stick meat and lo mein. Oh, and the curry, but that had to be eaten in stages. I frequently forget that while I love curry, my tolerance to large amounts is very very low.

I also read a !new! book for pleasure for the first time in like half a year. It was two dollars. Gibson's Idoru. For the unintiated Gibson wrote Neuromancer. Idoru is Idol In Japanese (borrowed word). Perfect combination right? I took the book (400 pages) from 1pm to 8pm and finished it. Pretty good, but I'm not sure if it was a bit of shallowness I detected in relation to the Idoru herself. She wasn't exactly fleshed out too well, being a artifical intelligence construct.

STUPID RANDOM LINK TIME:
Final Fantasy A+
13 bloody acres...if everyone lived like me they'd need 2.9 planets. What the hell I have a godamn 700 square feet apartment with a roommate and I don't use cars or public transportation and I still take up 13 ecological acres?

Absolute fucking brilliance

Protecting bodily waste in the public domain.
All those tech-savvy people out there drawing a comparison to a certain company?

Oh yeah, because it seems like I send way too many fucking links being a flash whore and what not, I'll just post them here and make the bloody damn thing public...since noob found it anyway.

You know you are out of touch when...

Evidentally classes from 10-12pm are cancelled tomorrow. Why? Because someone broke into the SigEp frat house right next to campus and stabbed a kid of my year. He died yesterday.

Shit like this really gets you thinking of mortality you know? I mean everyone has friends here who have been robbed, some at gunpoint, and the daily crime news listings you see inside McCoy and other places are depressing, but you never really think it'll hit that close to home.

Like sometimes I walk around late at night, this happened early Saturday morning. Suppose I had gone to rofo or something I could have passed this guy in the dark. I live farther from campus than the kid did, in fact I pass the SigEp frat house every day when I go to class.

This scares the shit out of me.
I don't think I'll be going out late night for a while.

On a sidetrack I didn't even KNOW about this until my roommate told me today. I did not know someone was stabbed and I did not know that the class cancellation was for a memorial service. I need to get out more...

RAPE THE SYSTEM!

Long update:
Anyway

1. Hager's computer vision assignment owned me. I could sort of see how to make sense of it, I just couldn't find a framework of anything to go upon. So with that, owned.

2. Diff eq's second midterm also owned me. I will now REQUIRE myself to attend every class, whether to just sleep and hear like 3 seconds of the lecture, it's better than what I do now.

3. The second philosophy paper completely destroyed me. Not worthy of passing? Worse than the first one? HOW? I now have to beg my brother's friend to email/send his second paper over to see what I did wrong, cause I thought it was better than my first. The fact that it was viewed as WORSE sends me a message that I have the wrong idea when I write philosophy papers.

4. Heh why do 5 year olds run private ragnarok online servers. I was threatened with banning because I killed wraith deads. Oh noes! 10,000k x 15 = 150,000k exp = .15 million experience PER wraith dead? Go to guild dungeon, kill wraith deads = level 99? Godamn idiots.

5. Reads Sean's blog, didn't know that the Tanzy thing was that serious o.Oa. Poor Val, work things out Jazzy.

6. iRO has 2-2 and sp regen patch and Juno...given my last experience with privates...I think I might just jump on Sakray. (2x too!)

7. Halo...well the mic wasn't stolen by my mail robbing hobo friends who took my modem and graphics card, they probably threw it back after realizing it was eight dollars.

8. I got to really make MY priorities straight, Jazzy says screw you to that, but I consciously know it's slowly ruining my life, inch by inch. This computer is responsible for my poor grades, my health problems, my general shitty quality of life. And yet I could not do without it...is this what drug addiction feels like? I think I can sympathize now...

9. How To Gag On 'The Passion'
Nine fun-filled ways Mel Gibson's brutal snuff film makes a mockery of true belief. Clip n' save!
Stolen from Lah again...
One of the most hilarious articles I have read in a while.

I am stupid

Well screw me can the thieves NOT steal my packages every time they get sent to my apartment? Hell this time it was an EIGHT BUCK MICROPHONE.
For the love of Christ, CAN YOU JUST LAY OFF?

Fuck it I should have known fuck it I should have known FUCK it I should have known better.

I want the old shooters, the kind where you can shoot enemies when they show up, not wait for 99999 bullets to be on the screen to rack up points

The espgaluda soundtrack is FINALLY mine! Bwahahahaha. On another note, Progear no Arashi is cute as hell...although it's sort of depressing. There's two couples and if you mix them (i.e. girl with other guy, guy with other girl), like the other two DIE or something. Both of those endings are definitely sad, one with Rivet and Ring visiting a grave, the other with Chain crying into Bolt's chest. However if you choose the right couple mix you get really cute endings. Ring and Chain getting married or Rivet and Chain both holding babies! while their respective husbands and Nall look on. I mean it's the story of a bloody shooting game but it's soooo cute.

The romantic part of the my title isn't a joke.

A bloody mess

Well Iraq has officially become crap. How could we have handled the aftermath so terribly. I'm saying this because there's an 18 year old Japanese volunteer worker being held hostage who will be burnt alive in three days unless Japan withdraws the SDF. 18...godamnit maybe we are morons, but shit some people should never have existed, and they're the one's doing this shit.

It makes me mad. I almost want to just leave the entire shit alone and just have it the lawless shitty place it is and make it spontaneously combust.

Suddenly this world depresses me.

Might not be so bad...

I am warily hopeful about Mastiff's La Pucelle localization. Mastiff's mainly known for shovelware, and when the title of the game was revealed to be La Pucelle tactics instead of whatever the Japanese originally meant, most people just wrote the entire thing off. Hopefully they'll do a good job, ok they BETTER do a good job, I do NOT want godamn half Japanese half english battle sounds, no matter how funny "WHO DA MAN" and "SHAZAM" sound the first fifty times, they make one murderous by the 1000th time. Even worse I do NOT want to hear Flonne's english VA.

I didn't even read enough to figure out Culotte was a guy...what kind of Japanese fanboy am I. Here's the english site. The mp3? or midi on that site is beautiful...which is why I am again downloading another Tenpei Sato soundtrack. I swear though...is there a recycled battle theme from Disgaea or Phantom Brave in there? There has to be...and if I am correct, pffft on mister Sato for that. Art style isn't Harayada's, but Ryoji's. It's like the anti Harayada XD. To combat Harayada's flat characters? XD Anyway I really like their mix of styles, I think the succubi and the nekomatas were also done by Ryoji in disgaea while the human characters were pretty much entirely Harayada's work.

Anyway here's to a hopefully excellent localization of another nippon1 game.

Ok I'll bite and do one of those stupid now listening things.
Now listening: The Legend of the Light Saint - La Pucelle - Tenpei Sato
I think I already like Eclair

That's a cute dog.

You know, when people talk about the capitalist machine and how we are mindless consumers etc. etc., it really never strikes me as a serious problem. But GODAMN sometimes you just want to punch those assholes in marketing.
Stolen from Lawrence.

Do not, under any circumstances, allow President Kennedy to go to Dallas

I swear Bash is the biggest timewaster out there. It's 3:50am, I should have gone to sleep hours ago or risk missing class as I ALWAYS do on monday, but yet I'm reading lists of 100 quotes each and laughing. Stupid internet.

Gaki, gaki, gaki

Now that I have figured out Sol's dust loop actually needs a kick also, I think I'll go kick gold Slayer and gold Justice's asses. "Kono gaki, gaki, gaki, gaki, gaki, gaki, volcanic viper."

Zee Germans, Part II

Evidentally while I was in my private server land, my iRO guild managed to piss off the entire German speaking population of International Ragnarok Online. The reason? They helped defend a guild hall from the entire German alliance. Ok not enough? Their party name was "Zee germans are coming." Evidentally the Germans found it offensive and mass spam private messaged the entire guild for the duration of the War.

I'm so damn proud /sniff.

Don't join privs, the always die!

I should have seen it coming. Hell I KNEW it was coming, but I was hoping it wouldn't happen anway. Gothicro got rollbacked to like last or two weeks ago. What matters is, level 99 wizard gone =D. Well, I guess this is why I play iRO.

I left them, and came with you!

Man another week another barely survived...anyway I had been neglecting overlocked lately, as my small selection of songs was sufficient. But it pays to check that site regularly, cause you get gems like this. For the enlightened, that's JEREMY SOULE supporting remixing as a legitimate art form. Chances are you've played one of the games he's done music for. Morrowind? Dungeon Seige? Knights of the old republic? Yeah this guy's orchestral kicks ass. Even the hilariously out of place OH NOES MY FARM IS UNDER ATTACK BY LITTLE GREMLINS THAT DIE TO A WHOPPING SHOVEL theme in dungeon seige.

I'm not an addict!

Well screw me I've been hitting private ro servers again. And hell they keep getting wiped or crash and I STILL relog and play them. I hit 96 in two days, could hit 99 but guess what server crash! If this one does a complete erase I'm definitely returning to iRO and not playing privs again. Wastes too much time, like homework time.

Just for the fun of it I'll list everything wrong with this server:
Free stat skill reset, resets platinum skills also, giving infinite skill points.
Berserk pots have been lowered to 1k, meaning a merchant with oc/dc can buy them discounted for 750 in bulk and sell them at like 2.5k a piece, meaning very fast money.
Armor and card merchants.
Golden gear makes you immune to physical attacks. Complete rape of mvps by novices.
Golden thief bug card makes you immune to magic...hello invinicibility?