Sunday, April 08, 2007

Fucking Gamefaqs.

I know it's Gamefaqs, but when someone so utterly devoid of intelligence feels compelled to spray their particular brand of idiocy at people new to the game I get angry.

First of all, you are confined to play this game on a keyboard. I don't know about you, but fighting games are not meant for keyboards. At all. What made TF decide upon this is beyond me, and no matter what you do you can't configure the game to use a gamepad instead, which, in the end, hurts IaMP's fun level. Being forced to use your keyboard in the very heat of the battle is a very annoying and bothersome task that only makes things more complicated than simple, especially when pulling off super attacks, producing difficulties up the wazoo. Funny that, I was told it would automatically configure itself to a gamepad... well, this game pretty much proved that wrong and makes playing it uncomfortable, difficult, and awkward. Never try playing this game on its hardest difficulty setting with this in mind: it becomes extremely aggravating, almost impossible even. If you love punishing mistakes, and you're a sadist, then by all means, go right on ahead.

Translations: First of all, I will tell a blatant lie. I in fact do not own this game, as I would have seen a GIGANTIC CONFIG.EXE IN THE SAME FUCKING FOLDER. OR MAYBE I AM LEGALLY BLIND. MAYBE I HONESTLY BELIEVE IN MAGICAL PAD CONFIGURATION FAIRIES, AND I WILL NEVER HAVE TO HIT CONFIG.EXE TO CONFIGURE MY PAD.

Second, a lot of attacks and moves are barely comboable, and considering that it's part of what you must rely on in this game, it just won't do, leaving the game engine rather inflexible and stiff rather than varied and deep. There is barely even anything to work for other than unlocking four hidden characters by beating them in the Story Mode, and considering the game's playability and all, this is actually pretty much a good thing, as forcing yourself to play the game in any other means would probably result in a lot of broken fingers and broken dreams.

Translation: WHERE IS MY 2ABC SPECIAL COMBOS FROM EFZ? WHERE? I'M SORRY YOU SAY THE COMBOS ARE DIFFERENT AND FOLLOW A MORE KOF STYLE OF NORMAL TO COMMAND MOVE TO PROJECTILE TO SPECIAL? I'M SORRY I'M SO HARDCORE I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Another flaw in the game is that later on in fights after you've worn your opponent down a good amount, they will start to rely on doing nothing but shooting projectiles all around you in a sort of pattern, which is reminiscent of other entries in the Touhou series, though this isn't always a good thing. To note, this may not seem bad at first, especially when you can use the V key to dash around and “graze” along the projectiles, which is actually a very good saving throw. But later on it starts to become boring, predictable, confusing and annoying after a while or after the next several times. It also tends to get in the way of the actual fighting, making it very difficult later on to progress the fight when you are forced more to dodge your opponent's shots. It hampers the overall flow of the experience and drags the fight on for an even longer time, making the fights more of a chore than actually being fun, and kicking the very novelty out the door. Really, the most fun you can get out of this game is by playing it with a friend (if you want to share the same annoying keyboarding experience with).

Translation: SINGLE PLAYER IS TOO HARD, MAN THE ONLY WAY I CAN ENJOY THIS GAME IS WITH ANOTHER PERSON! IMAGINE A FIGHTER REQUIRING ANOTHER PERSON! AND HE HAS TO BE ON THE KEYBOARD TOO BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE CONFIG.EXE

There's more but I'm not going to spoil the entire gem; read it and gouge your eyes out for yourself.
Fucking idiot.

2 comments:

K said...

Gamefaqs is definitely the place where real gaming comes to die. While there's plenty of decent faqs for RPGs etc. almost every single fighting game faq is written by a noob who either only playes with CPU on easy or his 4-year old little brother or someone equally skillful.

The most hilarious thing I've seen was in some Street Fighter Zero 3 faq where some guy wrote a shitload of rant about how he defeated one of his friends who can't play at all. He seemed to be pretty proud about his victory.

Gamefaqs is the saddest.

Strider said...

I pretty much second the above. GameFAQs is a fine place to look for FAQs in general, but I avoid the boards and reviews like the plague for pretty much that reason.

- HC